Yesterday's Top Stories

The week that was

The week that was

“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” -Albert Camus

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” Ted Cruz believes this, so he stood for 21 hours on the Senate floor to           filibuster-but-not-really the House bill from which Harry Reid will strip the language about defunding Obamacare. It’s complicated. Cruz and fellow filibuster-er Rand Paul also made momentous strides for the Stand Your Ground law with their efforts, but neither Repub succeeded in attaining their ultimate goals.

IRS official Lois Lerner is looking to do something less taxing and is going to retire soon. She will leave to follow her life-long dream of opening a catering company that specializes in Tea Parties. This business venture promises to be a success as Lerner has already stamped out all of the competition.

Islamist terrorists from “one of the world’s great religions” stormed a shopping mall in Kenya and brutally gunned-down dozens of innocent people. Refusing to blame the “religion of peace” for the massacre, leftists called for more Kenyan gun control to quell the violence.

Obama spoke today about the government’s budget and blamed the Republicans for something that hasn’t happened yet. He said if the GOP-controlled House causes the government to shut down, vital services will cease and desist. Barry O. needs to read more Human Events because we all know this isn’t true.

Topless protestors from the Ukrainian feminist group FEMEN ran onto the catwalk of a Parisian fashion show. Hollie-May Saker, a willowy model from Liverpool, did what should be done to all feminists: punched her in the face.

Teresa Mull is the managing editor of Human Events. 

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