Politics

Caroline Kennedy: The Best the Dems Have To Offer

I hereby offer my full endorsement to Caroline “You Know” Kennedy to be selected as the next Senator from New York. This may surprise my regular readers (thanks to both of you, by the way) as I tend to lean a bit right of center. Also, more than a few people have pointed out that she is absolutely without qualification, ability, experience or appeal. But on the plus side, she’s a Kennedy, and what’s not to like about that! (Other than the booze, manslaughter, heroin, opposition to windmills, collaboration with Hugo Chavez, DUI, open borders fanaticism, taxing, spending, and the unearned wealth, privilege, and sense of entitlement, I mean.)

For those that might think it is unfair to judge Caroline, you know, by her family, let me point out that by attempting to be appointed Senator without any qualification other than her name, she is essentially asking us to judge her by her family. So have at it.

Plus, Caroline would represent an important first for New York in this year of so many important political firsts — the first woman to inherit a New York Senate seat without sleeping with Bill Clinton. Such self-made women are to be appointed as role models for all women.

It must also be pointed out that a hereditary ruling class is what made America great. In fact, I believe the American Revolution was fought specifically to give Americans the right to ruled over by a wealthy heredity elite born to power by the divine right of their family tree. Actually, I need to check that fact, but it must be true because about half our leaders in the last few decades have one of three last names.

And not only is eloquent royalty like, you know, Caroline, you know, um, you know Kennedy exactly what a true democracy is all about, but she is the perfect candidate for high rank in the Democrat party. I say this because the Democrat Party is essentially a coalition of the paternalistic and the infantile: a union of an elite that believes you must be taken care of like children with a voting block that wants to be taken care of like children. Looked at that way, who better than, you know, Caroline?

If some self-made person were to get hold of high office, they might expect others to make a little more of themselves — and we can’t have that.

Yet another reason to appoint, um, you know, Caroline is that, as Gov. Blagojevich pointed out just a couple of weeks ago, a Senate seat is an effing valuable thing — you don’t just give it away for nothing based on some bunch of dumb qualifications or experience. No, you use it as a reward for being an early, influential and wealthy supporter of Barack Obama, and also for being named, you know, Kennedy.

Caroline Kennedy is exactly the sort of leader New York and America needs: connected to Washington and detached from Middle America, simultaneously part of the establishment and totally inexperienced. We can count on her to be a reliable and inspirational rubber stamp for the most high and holy Dalai Obama as he ascends to office in the coming weeks. Isn’t the fawning mainstream media check and balance enough upon Obama? Do we really need to burden him with a confident, competent and independent Senate as well?

NO! Caroline Kennedy is the only logical choice to be appointed Senator — until Chelsea Clinton becomes old enough to inherit the privilege her mother inherited from Bill.

Kennedy for New York! Kennedy for Massachusetts! Kennedy for Rhode Island! Kennedy for America! Kennedy forever!

Caroline truly is the best her party has to offer — and they may be about to prove it by appointing her to the Senate. After all, if she weren’t the best candidate for the job, why would they choose her?

Sign Up