Top 10 Lists

Top 10 Jokes About the Democratic Ticket

1. “Earlier this evening, Barack Obama was in Hollywood at a big fundraiser, a sold-out fundraiser featuring Barbra Streisand singing. $28,500 a ticket. All the big Hollywood stars were there. It featured dinner prepared by the finest Hollywood chefs serving an array of gourmet food. I believe the topic tonight was how John McCain is out of touch with the common people.”     — Jay Leno

2. “And as you know, they’ve already come out with a Sarah Palin action figure. And today, the Democrats released a Joe Biden action figure. It talks and talks and talks. You just can’t get the thing to shut up.”             — Jay Leno

3. “The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.  Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC.”             — Conan O’Brien

4. “While she was addressing the crowd, Sarah Palin spent a lot of time criticizing Barack Obama’s campaign speeches for not having enough specifics. Obama was reportedly angry about the claim, but didn’t say exactly why.“     — Conan  O’Brien  

5. “Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind.”— Jay Leno  

6. “Barack Obama said today the government’s $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. Barack Obama says he knows that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fund raisers to come up with that kind of money.”     — Jay Leno

7. “And how about that Barack Obama? You know what they’re saying? For the first time he’s starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls. Don’t worry. He’s got a plan. He’s going to be campaigning in Europe.”     — David Letterman

8. “The presidential debate was a town hall format, which is John McCain’s favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama’s favorite way, a Sermon on the Mount.”     — Jay Leno  

9. “You know, an article in the Washington Post today said that some medical experts believe Joe Biden may have had Botox. In fact, you know how they could tell? His expression didn’t change when they asked him about his hair plugs.”     — Jay Leno

10. “In a speech in Washington, D.C., Delaware Sen. Joe Biden said although he wants to be President, he’d rather be at home making love to his wife. Which is ironic, because Bill Clinton said the same thing. He said he’d rather be home making love to Joe Biden’s wife too.”     — Jay Leno

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