Politics

Gore Files Lawsuits Against Time

Lawyers for former Vice President Al Gore have filed numerous lawsuits against Time magazine, alleging a series of voting irregularities they maintain deprived Gore of Time’s “Person of the Year” Award. It has been announced that Russian President Vladimir Putin received the 2007 award, with Gore finishing second.

Details of the suits are sketchy, but one of them accuses certain unnamed Time employees of denying others the right to vote when it was determined they were leaning toward Gore. Rumors have surfaced that one employee, known only as “Chad”, has confirmed those rumors. Another separate suit claims the voting process to be far too complicated to be understood by, to quote the lawsuit, “a bunch of journalists.” Gore’s lawyers are calling for a recount of the ballots in question. They also demand that independent observers from the United Nations Commission on Climate Change be allowed access to any recount procedures.

“Mr. Gore has won an Emmy and an Oscar for his important work, not to mention a Nobel Peace Prize,” said a spokesman for the Vice President. “They don’t even have an Oscar ceremony in Russia. Who ever sees Russian films anyway?”

Some Gore supporters have accused Republicans of using dirty tricks to manipulate the results. One close advisor, requesting anonymity, claimed, “Putin is just the kind of civil-rights-trampling dictator the GOP loves to see in power. It would be interesting to sit down with those who voted and find out just how many have been subjected to Guantanamo-like coercion. Republicans knew Bush wouldn’t win, so this was the next best thing.”

So far, there have been no official comments from the White House, the Kremlin or Time.

*This was originally posted on Pat Sajak’s website.*

Sign Up