Politics

Al Qaeda, Iran, Hugo Chavez, N.Y. Times Celebrate Democrat Victory

If there was ever any doubt about whom America’s enemies like to see in charge of Congress, this week’s elections surely beheaded it. Immediately after the scope of Democrats’ victory became clear, al Qaeda released an audiotape congratulating the American people on their wisdom. Iran’s supreme ruler issued a statement declaring that having Democrats in charge “is actually an obvious victory for the Iranian nation." Hugo Chavez issued a four-hour speech waxing on about his comrades, the Democrats. And Maureen Dowd of the New York Times smiled for the first time in 12 years.

Will Democrats now help win the war in Iraq? Al Qaeda-in-Iraq’s leader, Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, had this to say, "The victory day has come faster than we expected."

He continued with his thoughts about the meaning of Democrat’s in power, "Here is the Islamic nation in Iraq victorious against the tyrant. The enemy is incapable of fighting on and has no choice but to run away." Adding, "The American people have put their feet on the right path by … realizing their president’s betrayal in supporting Israel.” Concluding, "So they voted for something reasonable in the last elections."  

OK, so electing Democrats, known the world over as the party of “retreat and apologize,” means that we aren’t going to be a terror target anymore, right? “We haven’t had enough of your blood yet,” Al Muhajir stated. He then added (in the spirit of bipartisanship), "We will not rest from our Jihad until we … have blown up the filthiest house, which is called the White House." Hey, the Democrats now have a campaign slogan for 2008.

Iran’s grand pooh-bah, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, sees great things ahead for Iran’s power—nuclear and otherwise. "Since Washington’s hostile and hawkish policies have always been against the Iranian nation, this defeat is actually an obvious victory for the Iranian nation," he said. Khamenei then lauded progress in Iran’s long range missile program, but speculated that America was so easy to defeat that such missiles would not be needed. "With the scandalous defeat of America’s policies in Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon and Afghanistan, America’s threats are empty threats on an international scale." It’ll be just like the good old days of the Carter Administration!

Hugo Chavez sees things looking up for the spread of neo-Marxism in the Americas, now that the party of his friend and oily apologist, Rep. Bill Delahunt is back in power. As reported proudly in the Chavista-funded propaganda outlet Venezuela Analysis. The piece began, “In an extensive press conference of over four hours with representatives from the international media, Venezuelan President Chavez welcomed the U.S. Democratic Party’s success in Tuesdays elections.” Chavez declared, “We see [the Democrats’ win] with optimism, not for Venezuela, but for the world.” Chavez then rambled on about how he hasn’t been this happy about a U.S. election since John Kerry was his secret friend. As summarized in the Chavez mouthpiece:

Recalling the 2004 presidential campaign, Chavez told of how the Democratic presidential candidate, John Kerry, made overtures to contact him, via Citgo, and that Kerry sent warm greetings at the time. This gave him some hope that if Kerry were to win, a relationship of mutual respect with the U.S. could be started. However, a few days after the Citgo meeting, Kerry’s campaign came out with a strong anti-Chavez statement, which Chavez attributed to an error within the Kerry campaign, to “infiltrators” and thus decided not to respond publicly to the statement.

You see, even when Democrats talk tough, it’s OK, because that’s just nonsense for the consumption of the gullible American people. They send their true feelings via secret emissaries. At least that’s how Chavez said Clinton used to do it:

Chavez then recalled how he was able to have a dialogue with President Clinton. “I received various emissaries from President Clinton,” said Chavez, emphasizing that such discussions were conducted quietly, “without convoking a press conference.” Also, the U.S. ambassador to Venezuela at the time, John Maisto, never said anything against Venezuela. “Now [after election], hopefully, the Democratic Party will come out with the best it has, the best of its principles,” he exclaimed.

Speaking of the best of the Democratic Party, the boys at the New York Times seem pretty happy too. Maureen Dowd declared the election represented the end of manhood in America, which she views as a good thing. Finally, room at the urinal for Maureen!

Americans are ready for the embrace of “the sheltering Mommy Party,” the normally dour Dowd squawked approvingly. Fresh from the morning mirror, Dowd then offered her personal vision of the Democrats’ election victory, “Angry winged goddesses with dog heads, serpent hair and blood eyes, unmoved by tears, prayer, sacrifice or nasty campaign ads, avenging offenses by insolent transgressors.” Wow! That’s what folks voted for? I had no idea.

Well, it was either vote for Dowdy Democrat harpies or re-elect “an unappetizing tableau of bloated, corrupt, dissembling, feckless white hacks.” God, I hate white people!

But wait there’s more! “Americans wanted new drapes, and an Armani granny with a whip in charge,” Maureen declared, projecting her deepest desires on the American people. Dowd said all this and more in just one 750-word article. I haven’t seen that much crazy stuffed into such a small space since Maureen was rumored to be dating Dennis Rodman—in a very small booth at a tiny New York restaurant, I mean.

Yes, whether it’s al Qaeda murder cultist, Iranian theocrats with nuke envy, beret-clad Marxist clowns, or the New York Times staff, America’s enemies just couldn’t be happier with the election. It’s morning again in anti-America.

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